Dec 22, 2015
Notes to my 25 Year Old Self
I think the most defining moments in my life occurred in my twenties, but the biggest milestones were at 25.
I got my first apartment (I was 24 about to turn 25) and I was really settled in at 25. I had this amazing walk in closet. I had a two bedroom flat and no roommate, so I turned the extra room into a walk in. It. Was. Amazing. I made a bench to sit on to try on the 8 million pairs of shoes I had (not really 8 million). It was truly an awesome space.
The second was by far the most important. I lost my virginity. Most young people today don't consider this a big deal and they just do it. I did. I was proud of the fact that I was a virgin at 24. Most looked at me like I was a freak, I loved this. I was saving myself for someone important. Until I didn't. I met a guy at work. He was handsome and funny. He was also pretty quiet like myself. We got to know some things about each other and seemed like we were two peas in a pod. He was single, I was single, and I thought that by telling him that I was a virgin and wanted to give myself to him, he would somehow fall in love with me and be devoted to me forever. Um, no. Now I won't say the experience was bad. It truly wasn't. It was pretty nice. But to quote Sylvie from the movie The Women, "... there's no sex like the kind you have with someone you love who loves you back." He, turns out, did not love me back. Looking back on it now, I don't even think he liked me that much. I continued to sleep with him over the next 2 years. I took a vow of celibacy for the next 5 years. It took so many years of soul searching and finding myself, until I was finally able to love myself. In loving myself, I killed that blind love I had for him and grew to be a better person.
One of my favorite television shows is Sex and the City. Those girls are waay more outgoing and experimental than I am, but at the end of the show, they leave you with some thought provoking quotes. Like Miranda says, "Relationships are not about playing games. They're about mature and honest communication." Once I found myself done with the 'will he, or won't he ever love me' games, I could see more clearly and once you can see the problem clearly, the solution is clear as well.
I know I can't change the past, but I have certainly learned from it. Self love is the greatest love you can have. Without it, it is impossible to love anyone or anything else.
Stay excellent, peeps!